Naming Our Feelings

Many years ago, as an elementary school counselor, I often taught lessons to young children on the skill of naming their feelings. At first glance, it seems like such a simple concept: How are you feeling? But in reality, it’s much more complex.

Later in my career, I became the lead counselor at a large middle school, supporting more than 800 preteens and teens as they learned about their developing brains—especially their prefrontal cortex and why their amygdala often felt in full throttle, activating that familiar fight, flight, or freeze response. Once again, the lessons came back to feelings: understanding them, naming them, and learning how to process them.

Ask most middle school students how they’re feeling, and you’ll often hear responses like: “Okay.” “I don’t know.” “Fine.” “Good.” “Bad.”

And honestly? Many adults aren’t much different.

Naming our emotions is not a skill most of us were explicitly taught. Self-awareness—especially the ability to pause long enough to identify what we are truly feeling—takes practice. It requires stillness, curiosity, and honesty with ourselves.

And some emotions are harder to name than others. Big feelings like embarrassment, guilt, pride, passion, disappointment, or even excitement can be surprisingly difficult to articulate. The challenge isn’t limited by age; whether you are 12 or 42, putting words to emotions can feel like hard work.

So this is my reminder to myself this week: pause, practice, and find the word.

What am I really feeling beneath the surface?

Because often, it is only after we name what we are experiencing that we can begin to process it—and maybe even problem-solve what comes next.